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Monday, January 19, 2009
` 12:37 AM
i could just go through the night listening to Rachael Yamagata's songs, think about life, dreaming about the impossible and not fall asleep. Watch the dawn set as the new day breaks out reminding me to put an end to all these thoughts.

i miss grandma so much.

so so much.

~Mr Jen has spoken.

Friday, January 16, 2009
` 12:02 AM
For a moment the world felt like the most beautiful and comforting place to be in.

But it was only for that moment.

Life came crashing down all over again.

~Mr Jen has spoken.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009
` 11:50 PM
Mr Jen has to admit that finally he has experience and understood what it meant by

"Even for a little while, it is enough. More than enough"

prayer answer?Not exactly. But He has allow Mr Jen to grapple with the phrase.

Even for a moment, it was already enough to fulfill the anxiety of anticipation.

Thank You.

~Its time to move forward once again.

~Mr Jen has spoken.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009
` 10:16 PM

Was running through my old emails when i came across this mail that was the last on the list.


Dated 13 October 2004

Dear Mr. Song,

At the moment we have no record of your acceptance for study in 2005.
It appears the status of your application on our computer is 'Decline By Default' which means that you didn't accept your offer in time and therefore your offer for 2005 has now been withdrawn. This is something done automatically by UCAS and here at Imperial College we have no control over it. The best thing you can now do is reapply via UCAS again (stating you wish to apply for the 2006 academic year).

Your financial status should not be affected if you reapply for the 2006 session. Once you have reapplied and been offered a place you can sort out your financial details directly with Imperial College nearer the time of your registration.

I hope this answers your query and we look forward to receiving your application.

Best regards,


Registry: Admissions Team A
Imperial College London


After 5 years it still ache in me when i read the email and saw through all those letters hidden at the end of the pile at the corner of my drawer. I remembered that that time i did not bear to click the DECLINE button.

As i look forward to the new year, another mail caught my eye.


Dated Dec 08

Hi Jian En,

Yes, you can write an email to xxxxxx.

But so far, there is no openings for the overseas plant.

But you can try.



These days as i sit around and think about stuff, about people, about studies, about family. I understood the point where He did not give me some things but whatever He gave me, He gave me more than what i asked for. I choose to magnify those that He did not give me instead of those that i have gotten because i believed that i deserved it.

Somehow, over the years, i think i have changed.

I am not sure is it for the worse or for better. But it appears that i looked at things quite differently from a few years back. There are things that i don do at all then but i keep doing nows, things i wouldn't pick on but it seems significant to affect me now, things i wouldn't appreciate but i would feel sky high whenever i see or feel it.

I tried to rationalise with myself these days. I cant come to a conclusion yet.

Expectations are something which i need to learn to cope with.

A friend told me

"If you have decide to do it, do it quietly, do it knowing that you will be hurt, do it so that no one will know, but Him. For if you are looking for comfort, for acknowledgement, what you get, is only tiredness."

I did not agree but i couldn't deny i felt like what he has said.

What i get is tiredness.

What a start to the year.

~Mr Jen has spoken.

Friday, January 02, 2009
` 2:23 AM
i woke up forgetting the hype about the new year.

All that was left was the taste of anticipation of what is ahead.

Do i have to grow up that fast?
Do i have to face life in another aspect so closely?

As much as i am running away from certain issues, i need to face others.

Problems wont stop coming, neither do solutions.

What is it going to be like in 2009?

So many changes await me.

Take a step at a time they say.

I am afraid that certain things wont turn out the way i hope it to be before.

But alas, if so, He will have the best plan for me isn't it?

To 2009, Mr Jen awaits your challenge.

~Mr Jen has spoken.

Music ;

Express Yourself LIVE

Mr Jen ;

Current Mood : Pondering

Want ;


Wishes ;

Know and Do His Will
Mum and Dad To Receive His Gift
Trust and Keep Faith (trying)
For Him and Not Me

Speak ;

Exit to ;

Yuan tying

Archives ;

. November 2004. December 2004. January 2005. February 2005. March 2005. April 2005. May 2005. June 2005. July 2005. August 2005. September 2005. October 2005. November 2005. December 2005. January 2006. February 2006. March 2006. April 2006. May 2006. June 2006. July 2006. August 2006. September 2006. October 2006. November 2006. December 2006. January 2007. February 2007. March 2007. April 2007. May 2007. June 2007. July 2007. August 2007. September 2007. October 2007. November 2007. December 2007. January 2008. February 2008. March 2008. April 2008. May 2008. June 2008. July 2008. August 2008. September 2008. October 2008. November 2008. December 2008. January 2009. February 2009. March 2009. April 2009. May 2009. June 2009. July 2009. August 2009. September 2009. November 2009

Credits ;