Was running through my old emails when i came across this mail that was the last on the list.
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Dated 13 October 2004
Dear Mr. Song,
At the moment we have no record of your acceptance for study in 2005.
It appears the status of your application on our computer is 'Decline By Default' which means that you didn't accept your offer in time and therefore your offer for 2005 has now been withdrawn. This is something done automatically by UCAS and here at Imperial College we have no control over it. The best thing you can now do is reapply via UCAS again (stating you wish to apply for the 2006 academic year).
Your financial status should not be affected if you reapply for the 2006 session. Once you have reapplied and been offered a place you can sort out your financial details directly with Imperial College nearer the time of your registration.
I hope this answers your query and we look forward to receiving your application.
Best regards,
xxxxxxxx
Registry: Admissions Team A
Imperial College London
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After 5 years it still ache in me when i read the email and saw through all those letters hidden at the end of the pile at the corner of my drawer. I remembered that that time i did not bear to click the DECLINE button.
As i look forward to the new year, another mail caught my eye.
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Dated Dec 08
Hi Jian En,
Yes, you can write an email to xxxxxx.
But so far, there is no openings for the overseas plant.
But you can try.
xxxxxx
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These days as i sit around and think about stuff, about people, about studies, about family. I understood the point where He did not give me some things but whatever He gave me, He gave me more than what i asked for. I choose to magnify those that He did not give me instead of those that i have gotten because i believed that i deserved it.
Somehow, over the years, i think i have changed.
I am not sure is it for the worse or for better. But it appears that i looked at things quite differently from a few years back. There are things that i don do at all then but i keep doing nows, things i wouldn't pick on but it seems significant to affect me now, things i wouldn't appreciate but i would feel sky high whenever i see or feel it.
I tried to rationalise with myself these days. I cant come to a conclusion yet.
Expectations are something which i need to learn to cope with.
A friend told me
"If you have decide to do it, do it quietly, do it knowing that you will be hurt, do it so that no one will know, but Him. For if you are looking for comfort, for acknowledgement, what you get, is only tiredness."
I did not agree but i couldn't deny i felt like what he has said.
What i get is tiredness.
What a start to the year.