Monday, December 29, 2008
` 12:53 AM
As the year comes to an end, i don't dare to look back.
There are many occasions of pain, anger and frustration.
There are things i regretted saying, doing and thinking.
There are people i regretted hurting, being angry with and given up on.
There are times i regretted not giving more, given too much and taking only.
There are situations i regretted being caught in, being stucked in and left unsettled.
There are also many times of joy, jubilation and thankfulness.
There are people, things, situation, work, times which i am glad that i was there, i took the initiative and i went on beyond what i would usually do.
There are also times of tiredness, disappointment and discouragement.
So many things in a year, would i even dare to look back to think about at all?
In this little black box, sometimes, Mr Jen is just hiding behind his own fears, hiding behind his own emotions, hiding behind his own actions. Hoping the day when it would be uncovered with a tinge of love and care, the slightest concern would come. At times, its too much to ask.
The most important that Mr Jen would have learnt in this year, is to stand up again from disappointment time and time again, alone.
The very fact that it even was a disappointment to start with, it was Mr Jen's own doings and expectation that at times was abit too much a burden on others.
With lesser love given, there would be lesser expectations?
That is the easy way out but yet the most efficient way of self protection.
Mr Jen's analogy : just like a paper cut, insignificant yet intriguing and piercing pain.
Next year?
Life is so unpredictable, especially with Him.
There is no way of escaping anymore.
Mr Jen just have to keep standing up and fight till the end isn't it?
~Mr Jen has spoken.