...Thoughts...

Monday, March 31, 2008

` 1:33 AM

my heart ache when i see tears in mum's eyes. she told me she cant handle it anymore.

i felt like a hypocrite putting my arms around her and comforting her when i am one of the culprit.

God, you know how much my heart hurts. you know how painful i feel. you know how lonely i feel. you know how uncared for i feel. you know how stressful i feel. you know how confused i am. you know everything. why did you take it all away from me what you have given me? If this is the way you want it, then God, help me to pull through. i do not know how much longer i can hold on. its so easy to give me all up and say i surrender. you know how i think. you know the times when i caved in to the pressure. you know the times when ending my own life cross my mind. you know the time i live like a double face man. you know the times i love and care in expecting the same in return. you know the times when i am disappointed when no one cares, when on one asked. you know the times i wanted to go away and never come back to this place. you know it all father. would you let me lie in your arms and cry out to you? my tears are dried. i do not know happiness anymore. do i have friends? Father you know it all. if one day i were to fall, let me fall in your grace lord. not from your grace. let me know that riches are piled in heaven and not n earth. let me understand that man's praise and acknowledgment are of no significance as compared to you acceptance. let me have the hope that the day when i leave this place, i will be with you. let me love the unlovable. embrace the unforgivable. let me remain faithful in you. i fear. i fear greatly lord. would you still love me?embrace me?care for me?when the world fail to understand me would you understand?father, hold me. Because i can't carry on on my own anymore. i really can't. do not forsake me. please. that is all that i ask for.

~Mr Jen has spoken.