Thursday, February 07, 2008
` 12:11 AM
Happy Chinese New Year!
Well i guess they did say when u dwell too long into things you wont enjoy the best of the moment...
i tink its true afterall..
its almost 1 year already and i find it hard to swallow that she is not around anymore.
there will not be anymore dinner with her. No more of her cooking. No more of her caring. No more of her laughter. No more of her prayers. No more of her.
I don wish to indulge in self pity or try to attract some form attention.
The truth is i miss her and i still think i owe it to her alot of things which i say to do but i did not. I regret it.Deeply regret it.
But yet, she is not the excuse for the mess my life is in right now. She is not the least responsible because it was my own stubborness and irresponsiblilty that landed me in what i am now.
At times i resent God. I am angry for what has happened. I am pissed with the idea of giving me everything and taking everything away.
Take away my honour, my glory, my happiness, my joy, my confidence, m pride, myself.
But i still believe. All these is not for nothing.
I believe, and i really do, that when things happened, it happened for my good.
Perhaps my eyes aren't that wide now, nor my ability to envisage that deep.
But i truely believe that if the day ever come where i leave this place, i need to be responsible for whatever i have done whatever decisions i have made.
And i don want to face her telling her i am sorry.
I want to tell her i did her proud.
I am trying to look forward.
Yes look forward.
Its not that hard nor that far when u are willing to walk with Him.
The key is are u willing.
~Mr Jen has spoken.