Tuesday, February 26, 2008
` 1:16 AM
I heard this from a fellow classmate on a course..
"The best way to move on from a major setback, is to have a good attitude" he said.
"All of us have some set back in our lives before, be it a big one or a minor one. But the difference between those who moved on and those who don't, is their attitude to the future, to their goals."
It struck me hard into my heart.
He was talking about me. I am the different one. The one who choose not to change his attitude despite all that happen.
I turned and looked to the sky.
How different it is now than the night before.
Its all in the mind. In the attitude.
I woke up at that instant.
Good attitude.
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She returned home.
A parcel was waiting for her. Right on her old wooden table.
She has already calm down from the previous drained emotions. In fact, she starts to feel angry, for him not showing himself to her.
"Not again?" she mumbled.
Slowly, she pry open the small little box.
Photos and more photos of her...but this time, its slightly different..
All of them have him in it. Be it in the background or a class photo.
As she flipped through the photos, a note dropped.
The rain was pouring down.
The wind was blowing like a furious night breeze rattling the windows.
Picking it up, she recognised the handwriting.
"I love you too much, that i am more than willing to let you go. Its when u find your love that we are both complete, because i have already found mine in you.
Like the photos, i don't mind being just a background in your life. As long as i was a small part of it, its sufficient.
Thank you for allowing me to love you. i always do."
Tears flow once again.
She felt toyed with. Being controlled in her emotions.
But she didn't blamed him for doing that. She felt happy instead.
For she was so important to someone. Something she never have thought of nor felt of.
For the moment, she fell in love with him.
Just for that moment, it was enough.
What more would you ask for?
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~Mr Jen has spoken.
Friday, February 15, 2008
` 2:33 AM
My friend is heartbroken. Not because he was rejected by the girl he loves, but he was not accepted.
They love each other but yet cant be together.
We talked about it. And i asked him if he would ever want to be with her, again?
He says yes. He says he would do anything to get her to his side.
I told him this story:
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A man loves a girl he knew but for a long time he could only watch her from a distant.He was satisfied to just watch her smile. He loves her not because she is pretty, not because she is kind, but because of who she is and who she was.
One day, a friend told him that he should pluck the courage to tell the girl, before he regrets it.
"At least you tried!" he said
So the man decided to surprise her for his confession.
He chose a date. Not a special occasion, not valentine, not her birthday, nor the date that they first met. It was just a normal day.
He managed to ask his friends to ask her out to a park near her house. Saying that it was a class gathering.
She agreed.
It was evening time, sun was down.
She walked alone in the park. To the open space. There was no one there.
The lamps were dim. Always non-existence. It was getting dark.
She waited.
A little boy came to her.
"Sister, this is for you"
She took a small box from his hand before he ran out of sight.
Opening it, she found a nicely made cardboard book.
It was hand-made. Not the nicest colour of all, but exquisite.
She flipped the first page. She was the photo of her crying while she won her first ever gold medal. Followed by a photo of her laughing during her best friend's wedding.
There were so many photos in it. Some she couldn't even remember when it happened. IT brought back memories, memories that bring pain, as well as smiles from past 20 odd years.
Somehow, there seems to be a tinge of piano sound playing in the background. That brought tears to her eyes.
"Who capture all these?" she thought
She search frantically for a name, a face in the photo, or even a familiar handwriting.
There was none. All was about her. She alone
Then she found an envelope. A card and a necklace.
A very familiar necklace.
One she fell in love with 6 years back while still in her teens.
"Who still remembers it?" a thought murmured in her mind
Turning the card, tears rolled.
'Hope you like it. This is meant to be a surprise for you. I still don't have the courage to face you to tell you this all these years. But, I love you. I don't know when it started but i just love you. I know you might not even notice me in your life at all, but its alright. I am not asking you to accept my love.
I just want to make you feel special because you are special to me.
There is no need for you to give me any form of reply for all these. I am doing all these because i don't want to lie to myself anymore. I just want you to be happy.
Even if it means to watch you smile at a distant, it is already good enough for me.
Love you,
xx'
She didn't realise all these years, someone actually love her so deeply.
Then the lights came on. Not the lamps, but small little dim christmas tree lights lit up on the trees in front of her.
"Only when you are happy, then its all worth it"
The evening wind blew into her face, drawing tears down her cheeks.
She turn and look, trying to find him.
He was no where to be seem.
"That's good enough"
He said to himself as he watch her leave from a distant.
He already know the outcome of this.
He has already cross the line of love.
He doesn't need recognition nor acceptance for his love.
All he wants is just her smile.
That's good enough.
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My friend look at me in the eye and told me that no one in this world, in his right mind, would be able to live happily seeing the person he loves lie in the arms of another guy. Nor is he able to love someone from a distance.
Its all too idealistic. No one can love unconditionally, he said.
I did not deny it nor did i agree with him.
Sometimes, when love becomes a form of possession or requires a form of recognition, the line blurred.
Responsibility love.
I realised that only when you can love someone enough to let he or she go, then you can love her totally and unconditionally.
Not saying that you are willing to do irrational things for he or she, but to love without 'terms and condition applied'
In any case, this is just my little humble opinion.
Being irrational in loving is being rational in love.
~Mr Jen has spoken.
Thursday, February 07, 2008
` 12:11 AM
Happy Chinese New Year!
Well i guess they did say when u dwell too long into things you wont enjoy the best of the moment...
i tink its true afterall..
its almost 1 year already and i find it hard to swallow that she is not around anymore.
there will not be anymore dinner with her. No more of her cooking. No more of her caring. No more of her laughter. No more of her prayers. No more of her.
I don wish to indulge in self pity or try to attract some form attention.
The truth is i miss her and i still think i owe it to her alot of things which i say to do but i did not. I regret it.Deeply regret it.
But yet, she is not the excuse for the mess my life is in right now. She is not the least responsible because it was my own stubborness and irresponsiblilty that landed me in what i am now.
At times i resent God. I am angry for what has happened. I am pissed with the idea of giving me everything and taking everything away.
Take away my honour, my glory, my happiness, my joy, my confidence, m pride, myself.
But i still believe. All these is not for nothing.
I believe, and i really do, that when things happened, it happened for my good.
Perhaps my eyes aren't that wide now, nor my ability to envisage that deep.
But i truely believe that if the day ever come where i leave this place, i need to be responsible for whatever i have done whatever decisions i have made.
And i don want to face her telling her i am sorry.
I want to tell her i did her proud.
I am trying to look forward.
Yes look forward.
Its not that hard nor that far when u are willing to walk with Him.
The key is are u willing.
~Mr Jen has spoken.