...Thoughts...

Saturday, June 23, 2007

` 1:08 AM

Dear Ah ma,

It has been 2 months since you left. I miss you alot. I know you are in a better place now, in Him where you don feel pain anymore. Everytime i passed by Bethany, i miss you. Everytime i saw pictures of you, i cry. But i know you woundn't want me to. You want me to be strong, to do well in my studies, to make you proud, to bring the smile to your face, to be a good grandson. I will be don't worry Ah ma, i will be.

I miss you Ah ma. I miss your smile. I miss your complaints,. I miss visiting you. I miss doing physio with you. I miss walking you at night. I miss kissing you goodnight every night. I miss praying with you. I miss your cooking. I miss eating with just you ,me and bros. I miss your apple juice. I miss your mass spread of food whenever we go over to your house. I miss your stories about life. I miss you touch. I miss your naggings. I miss talking to you. I miss your laughter. I miss bringing you home. I miss telling you everything will be alright. I miss sharing joy with you. I miss crying on your lap. I miss you telling me to go home early for dinner. I miss your call. I miss you scolding. I miss everything about you. I just miss you so much. As much as i try telling myself to move on i still miss you alot Ah ma. Cambodia is a nice place Ah ma. God has taught me that you have to leave for a better place, a place meant for you. We will meet again i know. And i know when we do i will see your smiling face. I will see your arms stretching for me like when i was young when u catch me. I know it will all be fine Ah ma.

Though i know its in His plans for what has happen..i still want to say sorry to you Ah ma. Sorry for all the unfulfilled promise. For not able bring you back to your house. For not able to help you walk. For not able to bring you to chinese doc. For not able to bring you to hospital when you are unwell. For not able to walk you to cousin wedding. Sorry Ah ma. I know i promise you we will walk there together but i didn't fulfil it. I am really sorry. I wish i could. I really wish i could. I will exchange anything for just to walk you to the church to see him get married. I know you wanted very much to see him walking down the church alley, i am sorry Ah ma. i really wish i could. But at least i know you are standin with God now looking from above on cousin's wedding day. sorry.

I still cry when i tink about you. You wouldn't want me to. Don worry i will be ok. I will study hard. I will be filial. I will be a good boy. Thank you for the 21 years that you have been with me Ah ma. Thank you for teaching me to love. Teaching to see things from another perspective. I know you have move on from your anger and hatred to forgiveness and care. Thank you for loving me as you always did. And i will love those around me like you did. Thank you for teaching me to cherish those around me. Thank you for being my grandma. Thank you for everything. I love you always Ah ma. Thank you for giving me the chance to take care of you. You are the greatest grandma.

No matter how i hate to say it again. But i know i have to let you go. You want me to let you go too. You and i know it is not easy but we have to. I hate to say this. I really hate to.

Goodbye Ah ma. Goodbye grandma.

I love you always.

Even in tears, it is tears of happiness whenever i see your face.

Thank you for everything.

Goodbye Ma.

Goodbye.

Love always,
En

~Mr Jen has spoken.