Tuesday, January 23, 2007
` 11:22 PM
"Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart."
"The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised."
Job 1 : 21
Words pierce through my heart and reminded me that i am not what i had.
None was of my own.
~Mr Jen has spoken.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
` 9:45 PM
I tink everytime i listen to Mayday's album alot of thoughts will go through my mind.
It makes me think.
Dear Song Jian'En
Examination - Semester 1, 2006/2007
I refer to your application for review of examination results.
The examiner has reviewed the script and this is to inform you that there is no change to your result for EG1109.
Thank You
Ivan Yew (Mr)
Its not pain i am experiencing amazingly.
Its not saddness.
Its anguish.
I could just go over and slap their face for taking 1 month to reply me in a nonchalent manner when other ppl have received their replies without needing to send in a mail to remind them that i paid $10 for this email they sent to me.
OR
I could slap myself in the face and curse that its my own bloody problem that i did not get the grades nor did i study hard enough.
Whatever and whoever and ever.
I am trying hard to look forward.Going for all lectures on time.Revising.Less play.Less slack.More conscientious.Early night.Daily Breakfast.Tutorials.
Does it help?
Grandma told me that day not to visit her or do physio with her so often because she heard of the news of 3 doctors who died in their slp, presumed to be from over exhaustion or watever.
She did not want me to over exhaust and die in my slp, simply saying.
Quite cute of her.
She did not want me to rush from school to her and to school and back to her again.
Mum and bro told me the same thing.
Aunt told me the same thing.
But doing physio and visiting her is NOT something "I WILL DO WHEN I AM FREE"
If it is so then probably me being me i wont do it.I want her to get well.
Imagine she is in the home 24/7 having not much ppl to talk to and her suffering.
Yes sometimes i am quite impatient with her and sometimes i am tired.
But i will rest when i am tired.
Come on man its me can?slp and me goes together.
But for her i don want to have a day telling myself if only i have i had or i could have.
Perhaps to other ppl its something they will do when they are free but i am sorry.
ya,Zeyi told me to cherish time with my grandma.
It doesn't matter who die first.
It matters only when u are alive.
Death is only a small part of life afterall.
~Mr Jen has spoken.
Saturday, January 13, 2007
` 4:07 AM
Happy new year!...after wat 13 days?:)
jus got back after supper and pool with cell grp ppl...aka zhiyang n the rest...
needa cut down on my supper nowadays..having too much fats around...
and i got slight flu now:(
it has been raining for the past 2 days...how long will it continue?
school has started..things are going back to the same routine again...
quite a number of things in my mind nowadays..wondering about school work...how to pull up my cap..about grandma's conditions..how is she gonna go home...about my finances...how can i start saving up...just lots of things in my mind nowadays...
i thought i was matured enough to handle these questions but i guess i am not..
Bro told me just now that certain unforseen problems need not be worried about..we only worry about them when they happen practically and we need to face them with a solution. Meawhile, there is no necessity to even give a thought aobut them.
am i thinking too much or am i just being more prepared about the future?
i got a feeling that i worry about these problems yet i don wanna face them in reality. Hoping that it is all but a dream.
Is it very unlike me to be runnning away?
i felt like i have changed.In the way i approach a situation.i have become more mindful myself and my surroundings.
am i still me?
wish u were here with me.
*sorry ppl for this random questioning post coz i needa pen down my thoughts.rather confusing.
~Mr Jen has spoken.