Thursday, October 05, 2006
` 2:02 AM
somehow it feels different studying in university...maybe i haven been studying for too long that i find it a drag to do so....i jus feel so empty minded even after studying..feel as thouhg nothing enters my brain....maybe the pace is too fast and i lack the practice i need...but there is no time for all these...after the disastrous outcome of my maths term test..i feel....empty...
I aint demoralised..for the maths i got i should be happy coz i only know,deep from my heart, how to do 3 question out of the 12....i am not complaining...but i just feel so empty...i don feel any knowledge gain..don feel that i learn anything..don feel that for once i am in a school for education...i felt so empty living days as though i am supposed to do it this way...being a go thru the process person....have i lost the urge to carry on where i left off in the schooling days 3 yrs ago?i am searching not for an answer but for a direction...
Perhaps i have drifted too far from Him..i have denied Him far too long..thinking that i in the midst of the lesson of faith when the actual fact is i am deceiving myself indulging in the sea of self pitying and exuses...
i read something in The Upper Room which put me to tears because how much it explains how i feel...
When life feels like a storm at sea, we can look beyond our problems and even beyond our unquestioning "God is good" or "just have faith" thoughts...When we pour our feelings, our pain, and even OUR DOUBTS - and choose to TRUST God anyway - our faith grows deeper than it ever could otherwise.
Trust the word. So easy yet so hard.
How do i trust?
~Mr Jen has spoken.