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Tuesday, October 31, 2006
` 3:13 AM
i just wonder sometimes i am too much into thinking of the beautiful picture that i lost track of the reality that is staring in my face...i nv thought that life would be so different..so long that i still thought i would have not been here if things were to work out in my way..my thoughts...gosh am i worthy of it at all?

Don't you realised that when you look back in your life and see where you are now..somehow you think of how you feel then...you might jus realised tat i have been lucky enough to be here..not thinking about what if this what if that..but jus then and now...some times reality is cruel..but not cruel enough to tell you that life have things which are sometimes we have overlook...

I thank God for my parents,my grandma,my brothers,my girlfriend,my friends,my classmates,my trainees,my colleague,my pastors,my seniors,my teachers,my tutors,my tutee,my neighbours,my cousins,my relative. All that was,that is and that is still going to be MY.

What i have lost or going to lose, is still mine afterall.

My failures, my regrets, my forgotten, my past, my weakness, my shame, my errors, my wrongs, my sins, my selfishness, my pride.

I thank God for them.

At least they were mine.

Some times, count your misfortunes. then you will realise they are the ones which make you wake up to count your blessings.

*coughing once again....

~Mr Jen has spoken.

Friday, October 20, 2006
` 1:14 PM
You in your time told me the reasons.
You in your time revealed the purpose to me.
You in your time make me see the reason i am still here.
You in your time show me that it was never only about me alone.

but thie time round i decided to make it my own time. For just once.

i cannot take the strain anymore.To be bothered by stuff which i wasn't supposed to even tink about.

Indulge in past.

Can i just escape for once?

~Mr Jen has spoken.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006
` 2:03 AM
what do you do when u got a summon for parking on zig zag line...$120...
then your car got clamped and needa pay $100 fine....?

a)Tell yourself that money is well spent for a lesson
b)Curse everyone you see
c)Start a pocket money fund $1 a day for your car
d)Dream that you will strike 4D or lottery and get as many summons and clamps as you
f)None of ther above

Please choose your option carefully.

*my lecturer declared that i am below average for maths

~Mr Jen has spoken.

Thursday, October 05, 2006
` 2:02 AM
somehow it feels different studying in university...maybe i haven been studying for too long that i find it a drag to do so....i jus feel so empty minded even after studying..feel as thouhg nothing enters my brain....maybe the pace is too fast and i lack the practice i need...but there is no time for all these...after the disastrous outcome of my maths term test..i feel....empty...

I aint demoralised..for the maths i got i should be happy coz i only know,deep from my heart, how to do 3 question out of the 12....i am not complaining...but i just feel so empty...i don feel any knowledge gain..don feel that i learn anything..don feel that for once i am in a school for education...i felt so empty living days as though i am supposed to do it this way...being a go thru the process person....have i lost the urge to carry on where i left off in the schooling days 3 yrs ago?i am searching not for an answer but for a direction...

Perhaps i have drifted too far from Him..i have denied Him far too long..thinking that i in the midst of the lesson of faith when the actual fact is i am deceiving myself indulging in the sea of self pitying and exuses...

i read something in The Upper Room which put me to tears because how much it explains how i feel...

When life feels like a storm at sea, we can look beyond our problems and even beyond our unquestioning "God is good" or "just have faith" thoughts...When we pour our feelings, our pain, and even OUR DOUBTS - and choose to TRUST God anyway - our faith grows deeper than it ever could otherwise.

Trust the word. So easy yet so hard.

How do i trust?

~Mr Jen has spoken.

Sunday, October 01, 2006
` 2:04 AM
I felt a sense of void in my life....i cried...

~Mr Jen has spoken.

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