Wednesday, March 22, 2006
` 9:07 PM
Been rushing here and there...for wat?...for interviews...scholarship interviews...well i guess ppl would say that its gd signs that ppl call me up for interviews...at least i make the grade...well i supposed so...quite a few call me up...well....on th eother hand..its tiring....v tiring...to be tip top everytime..for every interview....for every precious seconds u spent in the room..it reflects the hours u put in in doing the application...filling up the forms...reading up the organisation....jus for that 10 minutes.....u make or break...
cruel isn't it?
during one of the interviews...i was told this..
"we must accept the fact that ppl nowadays apply for scholarship not because they cant afford to study...but because they want the extra money,extra fame and extra acknowledgement isn't it?'
i tink again....
i don tink i am....
i am not tat poor...but i am in my sense...
i don wan to burden my parents with my fees because grandma is sick now...
i wan my dad to have a sum of money for himself..
i wan to force myself to cherish what i have...
i wan to be independent....
i wan....i wan to study overseas...
i wan to prove ppl wrong when they feels that neighbourhood students should remain as neighbourhood students.....
i met this scholar at NatSteel...(for ur info..its NatSteel..not Natsteel...he pointed out to me)
He is from JJC
He has no S papers
He is from neighbourhood school since young
He is behave like ah beng
His fav line is alamak
a role model?
He inspired me...to tell this to my interviewers that day..
"I am proud of my humble background...i am proud to be from a neighbourhood school..proud to have friends in secret society..proud to have frens who went to boys home..proud to be chinese speaking...proud to grow up in such a place..because it makes me mature...makes me to be independent..makes me understand that there is always another side of the society where no one wants to know...no one wants to show to others...no one is proud of...at least i am not sheltered...at least i know that in this world..not everyone knows how to speak english..not everyone can go home and slp peacefully..not everyone has the option like me to sit here and talk freely as i did...at least i understand the word of humility because there is always things that i do not know and never went through before.."
they look stunned..because i spoke with sch strong emotion that feels like i am accusing they..
well perhaps i did...
maybe they r disgusted by me..or perhaps impressed by me...
i do not know...
but at least i told them i am no pushover in this society just because i am a neighbourhood kid..
*new music on the page...can u hear it?*
~Mr Jen has spoken.