...Thoughts...
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Wednesday, March 22, 2006
` 9:07 PM
Been rushing here and there...for wat?...for interviews...scholarship interviews...well i guess ppl would say that its gd signs that ppl call me up for interviews...at least i make the grade...well i supposed so...quite a few call me up...well....on th eother hand..its tiring....v tiring...to be tip top everytime..for every interview....for every precious seconds u spent in the room..it reflects the hours u put in in doing the application...filling up the forms...reading up the organisation....jus for that 10 minutes.....u make or break...

cruel isn't it?

during one of the interviews...i was told this..

"we must accept the fact that ppl nowadays apply for scholarship not because they cant afford to study...but because they want the extra money,extra fame and extra acknowledgement isn't it?'

i tink again....

i don tink i am....

i am not tat poor...but i am in my sense...

i don wan to burden my parents with my fees because grandma is sick now...
i wan my dad to have a sum of money for himself..
i wan to force myself to cherish what i have...
i wan to be independent....
i wan....i wan to study overseas...
i wan to prove ppl wrong when they feels that neighbourhood students should remain as neighbourhood students.....

i met this scholar at NatSteel...(for ur info..its NatSteel..not Natsteel...he pointed out to me)

He is from JJC
He has no S papers
He is from neighbourhood school since young
He is behave like ah beng
His fav line is alamak
a role model?

He inspired me...to tell this to my interviewers that day..

"I am proud of my humble background...i am proud to be from a neighbourhood school..proud to have friends in secret society..proud to have frens who went to boys home..proud to be chinese speaking...proud to grow up in such a place..because it makes me mature...makes me to be independent..makes me understand that there is always another side of the society where no one wants to know...no one wants to show to others...no one is proud of...at least i am not sheltered...at least i know that in this world..not everyone knows how to speak english..not everyone can go home and slp peacefully..not everyone has the option like me to sit here and talk freely as i did...at least i understand the word of humility because there is always things that i do not know and never went through before.."

they look stunned..because i spoke with sch strong emotion that feels like i am accusing they..

well perhaps i did...

maybe they r disgusted by me..or perhaps impressed by me...

i do not know...

but at least i told them i am no pushover in this society just because i am a neighbourhood kid..

*new music on the page...can u hear it?*


~Mr Jen has spoken.

Sunday, March 19, 2006
` 9:54 PM
I realised that i am leaving the army soon....i din noe it...suddenly it came and go...2 yrs seems so short...been there done that..with friends i guess i might nv contact ever again in life..but i will nv forget them...nv forget how we encourage each other...how we told each other it will be over soon...how i escape death with near miss rounds...it nv seems so far ago till i realise its 1 yr ago....all have but change...

Start to feel the importance...importance of telling ppl how you feel....not jus to ur love ones...but to ur frens as well...coz u might not see them again...not as in death..but tink about it...

will my ocs platoon ever come back together to train again?
will my jc class ever come tog to the classroom to have lessons tog again?
will my orchestra all come back to perform again?
will i be again to see everyone again?

the answer is no..

the same apply for love ones...time will nv turn back...

never...

i will cherish everything now..maybe i don seem to do so but i will try my best to show i do now...

at least for you...

To zhenghan,

bro..i noe no words can express what u r feeling now...though we r buddies for nearly half of ocs..i noe i aint ur best of frens....but i will be there for ya if u ever need any one k? everyone of us will be...i might be ya last choice of listening ears but at least i am still an option for ya:)...jiayou...be cheerful like u always do...we want u back:)

love,
ur buddy


~Mr Jen has spoken.

Sunday, March 05, 2006
` 11:04 PM
Half way through morning service today i suddenly have these thoughts in my mind :

1. Go back to join alumni for the upcoming concert and bring those of my batch back
2. Learn Piano
3. Go for course to advance my drum
4. Go UK to study
5. Finish up my scholarship application
6. Spend more time with grandma

Then i realise i needa start praying about it first..
Seek first His Kingdom..
i start to feel how hard it is...

Happy Birthday Zhenghan and BingZhi! Had fun last night..And my buddy, don evolve into me..Stay Strong always...will pray for ya:)


~Mr Jen has spoken.

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