Wednesday, February 22, 2006
` 1:52 PM
i sat down quietly today and think...think of things which i seemed to leave behind...i nv foget about them..jus that i choose to leave behind me...am i moving forward then?..i do not know...i really don...it came to me that in 4 months time i will be back to studies...no more green or rank...jus me and other ppl...i start to miss my life now...then i thought of the things which i left behind 2 years ago...i ponder :
1) i wanted to be a sound engineer...to produce and make music.
2) i wanted to be a simple man living off simple means.
3) i wanted my whole family to come together again.
4) i wanted to keep learning.
5) i wanted to get a scholarhip and lift the burden off my family.
6) i wanted to perform in the esplanade and rejuvenate the type of applause i hear when we won
7) i wished to conduct my orchestra again..yes my orchestra..the one that went through thick and thin with me...i wish to hold the baton and stand up to conduct again..
How many of them have i achieved?....or rather have i not given up?i sat down again...like two years ago when i did not noe where to go after taking my results...i remembered taking the bus alone to the quiet part of singapore where i see no one jus earth and me..there i say in a silent prayer for guidance....they told me two years in NS makes a smart man stupid and lazy...i have not become stupid and lazy....i became ignorant...i became ignorant of the change in me...i have lost completely...lost my dream..and my will to dream...what have become of me?what do i want?....jus glad that i am waking up now....
a story to share....
Daniel was throw into the burning furnace and the lion den..in both situation he did not struggle...he did no use his own might to find..he did not at once think by his instinct and act according to what his body told him..He jus knee down and pray that God will deliver him...
Faith as small as a pea is enough....
.but how many of us can do the same?
~Mr Jen has spoken.