...Thoughts...
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Thursday, February 23, 2006
` 10:40 PM
But Seek First His Kingdom And His Righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore Do Not Worry About Tomorrow, For Tomorrow will worry about itself.
Each Day Has Enough Trouble of Its Own.

~Matthew 6 : 33 - 34




~Mr Jen has spoken.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006
` 1:55 PM
I got a call from the hospital that day...

"hello is this mr song?"

"yup"

"i am calling from St Luke's..the patient at bed 20 refused to take lunch.do you mind coming down and talk her round?we have to clear the food later on.."

"huh?!alright alright i will come down now"

i found her lying there. She told me she din want to live anymore..and that its a torture to not be able to get well...she feels like a burden to the rest of us...

Anguish..Sadness...uncomprehend frustration..

i took her hand and prayed...that the evil one to leave her alone..

it wasn't over till evening time that we managed to talk her round...

i ask myself..

if one day i am the one lying there...i would want to die too?..
if one day i realise that its beyond me to control myself..would i still believe?

its hard to comprehend what it feels like to be the one in pain...there are times in life where we know that its painful but what we can offer is jus a word of consolation...

its the feeling of haplessness and loss...


~Mr Jen has spoken.

` 1:52 PM
i sat down quietly today and think...think of things which i seemed to leave behind...i nv foget about them..jus that i choose to leave behind me...am i moving forward then?..i do not know...i really don...it came to me that in 4 months time i will be back to studies...no more green or rank...jus me and other ppl...i start to miss my life now...then i thought of the things which i left behind 2 years ago...i ponder :

1) i wanted to be a sound engineer...to produce and make music.
2) i wanted to be a simple man living off simple means.
3) i wanted my whole family to come together again.
4) i wanted to keep learning.
5) i wanted to get a scholarhip and lift the burden off my family.
6) i wanted to perform in the esplanade and rejuvenate the type of applause i hear when we won
7) i wished to conduct my orchestra again..yes my orchestra..the one that went through thick and thin with me...i wish to hold the baton and stand up to conduct again..

How many of them have i achieved?....or rather have i not given up?i sat down again...like two years ago when i did not noe where to go after taking my results...i remembered taking the bus alone to the quiet part of singapore where i see no one jus earth and me..there i say in a silent prayer for guidance....they told me two years in NS makes a smart man stupid and lazy...i have not become stupid and lazy....i became ignorant...i became ignorant of the change in me...i have lost completely...lost my dream..and my will to dream...what have become of me?what do i want?....jus glad that i am waking up now....

a story to share....

Daniel was throw into the burning furnace and the lion den..in both situation he did not struggle...he did no use his own might to find..he did not at once think by his instinct and act according to what his body told him..He jus knee down and pray that God will deliver him...

Faith as small as a pea is enough....

.but how many of us can do the same?


~Mr Jen has spoken.

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