Saturday, January 14, 2006
` 2:13 PM
i still find it hard to accept the facts...its was jus a moment ago i was talking to her..telling her to get more rest and i will see herthe following day...a few hours later i received a call saying she was unwell...i thought it was jus a normal illness..how could i not realised that all along i was told that i cannot assume....not until i see the ambulance outside...the paramedics scrambbling to carry her onto the vehicle...i froze......i nv thought it could happen...again..i thought...
i insisted that i will follow the ambulance...i want no further from her anymore....the vehicle rush down the road...bukit batok...PIE...AYE...i cant bear to turn back and glance at her...i could see her vomit...see her in pain...see her unable to speak properly...i feel wretched....i feel i have neglected her long enough to start cherishing now...i wanted so much to scream at all the cars on the roaad to tell them to get off my way....i wanted to...
getting her down the vehicle into the A&E...i felt the cold...i couldn't do anything but jus telling her i am with her always with her..and she is gonna be alright....from her eyes...i see tiredness...i see the sense of fear in her...i see the pain that she is withholding...yet i could do nothing....i went with her till i was told to wait...................................
it was only after a few hours that i managed to see her again...in the same pain or worse....without much relieve....i talked to her....but she was barely conscious....the first thing she say when she open her eyes to see me again...was to ask me to go back to get some rest....my heart tears.....why did it all happen?
i couldn't slp that night....working seems aimless....i spent the following night beside her at the hospital..in the midst of the night....i cant bear it anymore....i cried...i cursed myself for being selfish...for taking things for granted...i held her hand...and she grab me tightly...and i realised i have nv once taken care of her like i did that night for the last 20 years...and all along it was her who took care of me....i stroke throught her long grey hairs...how much she has aged?...how can i not notice it?.....
i prayed....i pray that she would recover as soon as possible...i pray that all this was jus a small lesson...i pray that i will not lose sight of her...i pray....that God's will may be done...i keep praying.....till the doc told me that 5 days....all it takes is the next 5 days should her condition worsen....if not....it could well turn the tide for her....i pray...
i hope things will be the same again...
but i noe.....
from now on..it will be different....all has changed.....
~Mr Jen has spoken.