Sunday, December 04, 2005
` 11:39 PM
i didnt slp well last night...and i didn't want the day to come to remind me the day has began...but i saw some light today...light which makes me realise what was this all about...
i did not drive to church today...i took a bus...
bus was crowded and i was listening to my mp3...
i was sianz coz i miss 67 as i crossed the road and have to wait another 15 min before the next one came...and its a SUNDAY morning...it shouldn't be crowded at all..yet i only managed to salvage a seat at the rear of the bus...
dunno the reason but my mp3 keep playing my fav songs...slow and sad songs...
i was blocked by all the standing passengers in the bus that i could not see what was in front of the bus...
i started looking out the side of the bus and realise alot of things has changed on the road which i took to church every sunday...then i realised...
that i was driving all these while that i did not notice all the changes around the road...allli was doing while driving was to look infront and try my best to get to church asap....i did not look at the sides....jus in front...on the bus i not only could not see what lies ahead...i could not even see whether the bus was going on the correct road...yet i have faith...i have faith in the bus 67 which will bring me to church no matter what...such faith that i wasn't even looking to the front but glancing from side to side..looking around....things start to piece together and i figure it out as:
1. i was focusing to much of getting things done in the end that i wanted to do it fast and the easy way..
2. i only looked ahead and not to the surroundings that make my view so narrow and obscured
3. i only listen to the things in my mind and not around me.
4. WORST of all...i did not have enough faith in Him...because i thought i was in control and need no others...
i was wrong...and i figure that all along i was struggling to let go...let go to let Him take charge..because there is only so much i can do..yet so much He can...it becomes clearer....
but i still cant totally let it down...
Lord..let me come down so that You can go up....
time is running out.........
~Mr Jen has spoken.