Thursday, December 01, 2005
` 11:16 PM
i felt quite bad...because
-2 frens of mine have to take over my duties for work till late night tomolo when its totally not their problem at all....
-i am trying very hard to figrure things out for church camp...
-i haven exercise regularly this week...
i am feeling the pressure...the type of pressure which i felt when i took on the of pres for ajco and realise i got hundred members with 90% no knowledge of music at all and we have to go for syf...the pressure when i am tied between syf and work..the pressure when i can only slp 5 hours a day and not having proper slp but nightmares...the pressure when i have to drink 5 teaspoon of coffee a day jus to keep awake for 19hours...
i feel it once again..now...
i forgot how i cope with it and it seems to be a shadow...inside tells me that i have gone thru it and i can go thru it again....but guts tell it its different..totally different..because now its more than jus winning or losing a competition...its accepting things more than losing.......
Failure........
i want to shout out so much...to tell somebody about it..but i cant put it into words...i am unable to translate...its stucked...i feel helpless...utterly helpless....a form of despair yet unable to express through emotions....
i narrowed down the reasons:
-took on too much work which are beyond my scope
-doing everything on my own instead of sub out to others
-not focusing on task on hand and lazy
-no faith
-seeking perfection
something is in my throat yet i cant spit out...
figure that?its how i feel..
argh......
Did i?
~Mr Jen has spoken.