...Thoughts...
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Tuesday, April 26, 2005
` 8:11 AM
i am sleepy...in the office where ppl r not here..yet i cant slp because some r here..what am i talking..i am sleepy..

last few days was sorta busy..and bro using the com at home so cant really use the com...argh..lazy to argh with him about using com..he is lasking slp and stress..bicker with him but shall be nice and not argue..so sick of arguing when i jus reach home..make me more n more don feel like going home...argh..

alot of things going thru my mind now..studio,scholarship,home,work,future,ajco,sorta killing me..jus feel like findin a place to sit down to rest awhile..to take time off to shut down my brain..

though the last few days was well spent and happily spent..jus cant keep some of this tots out of my mind..at least i still got u..for now...


~Mr Jen has spoken.

Thursday, April 21, 2005
` 11:17 AM
i feel so disorientated..so confused..so lost...argh...What does he wan me to do?where is the pathe heading??argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!


~Mr Jen has spoken.

` 8:10 AM
too tired to blog last night..sitting now in my office...yesterday was a gd day..don ask me bout LTA interview...awaiting the phone call now...i don wish to think..God will lead...shun fu..i am learning to...

Pacifier was a funny show...saw an unexpected parachuate jump...then an unexpected fireworks show...nice...esp when u r with someone special...wish the night nv end:)...

Blessed.
Happy.
Xinfu.


*smiling*


~Mr Jen has spoken.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005
` 12:36 AM
Finally reformatted the com and change the strings on my guitar...ah..the stupid iweb causing the virus in my com...argh...

slacked in office today...nowadays keep fall aslp doing work in the morning..dunno y..too tired or too bored?...hmm...i dunno...went cleaning the mortars in the morning and the rifle in the afternoon..then gym..and a short run..argh..my ankle still hurts...ah....don come back to me pls..

then dropped at raffles..he..by chance?....hehe....then took a nice bus ride...hmm it seems to me nowadays the bus ride v nice hor?...heh..its a secret...

tomolo is LTA final interview...really hope i can get the scholarship...ah....don nervous..stay calm...God has His plan...trust in Him...


~Mr Jen has spoken.

Sunday, April 17, 2005
` 9:19 PM
after 2 days of exercising...feel tired le..ha..my muscles are aching...maybe i m getting on my years?..haha....still early la..ha...need rest...hmm...

went church in the morning...for lishi..then went holland v met up with bmt mates..long time since those recruit days..hmm..miss the times..though most of them were late..i am early for the first time..hah...but we had some fun chatting...went back to church for soccer and sports after that...wat a day..

i haven bath..feeling sticky and smelly..heh..okok...i noe..gonna bath le...hmm...jus read cousin xin's blog..glad that she is doing well:)..jiayou k!..ah..my ankle pain is back again..:(..time to rest..

another week ahead...*_*..


~Mr Jen has spoken.

` 12:40 AM
ok i have changed my template...put on some nice pic of seagull...so...pls don complain bout my Yahoo!layout anyway..i noe it sucks..:)

Been a busy saturday...but first..went for cg yesterday at jiafa's place...sorta weird to be there coz like not even involved in yf yet go for cg...so...hmm trying la...quite a lot of ppl went so its ok la i guess..wasn't tat bad but i think it would be a first step going back to fellowship with fellow bros n sis in christ?...i hope...

Then today was the second step...went for the bethany nursing home thing..pushed some old ppl walk around the neighbourhood..but within them was one quite young guy in his 30s i believe..he was there because of an accident..previously he was a regular in the army..heard that he went for air borne jump something wrong with his parachuate and he fell all the way and cause his present plight...sad isn't it?jus one jump..a young man with bright future suddenly lost everything..but he was v cheerful today...talk alot..like normal which makes me feel so encouraged...if he can stand up even after hitting the rock bottm of his life...wat else can God not help us?...His belief is a motivation for me...a testimony..well jus wanna type it out to share with u ppl:)

after that went yyxz then went west coast for the the sports day of yf...felt good to be back at yyxz...for yf..i guess its a start la..slowly..perhaps i will merge in again?...hmm..

then went for dinner at jp..its true tat when u cherish every moment..then it seems to pass v fast..but yet the memories are always so clear n vivid...and sweet:)....

went to dean's hse for bbq gathering with the rest of the plt 3...haven seen each other for 2 wk n we have so many things to share..miss cadet's life..miss ocs...miss bravo wing,,,miss plt 3...argh...

nice saturday..enriching..satisfying...motivating...happy...lastly..sweet..:0)


~Mr Jen has spoken.

Thursday, April 14, 2005
` 3:05 PM
sitting in my office now..drained..jus finished going through the vetting of 2 lesson plans and i have still got one more to go...supposed to hand them in by mon..guess i can do it by today?...efficient:)....but i feel lazy now..wanna slp...wanna slack..my course is only gonna start on 30th may..argh..for now..i will jus be a clerk...

hmm..thinking alot these few days...i noe i shouldn't but i did..so...hmm..i am actually living v happily now:)...holding on to soemthing i feel so dearly to and cherishing every moment i have...but the thought of losing the grip of it keep going through my mind..emotionally i din wanna let go but morally and rationally i have to..its the ironic part of man...i really dunno what i will become without that special character in my life..not too far off from now...though its temporary but its a long temporary...anxiety and saddness is overcoming my sense of happiness and satisfaction in my life....can i deal with it?

also thinking about my scholarship.....still haven got a call...is it wat God wan for me to stay?...or is it my own inability to get a place?...i tried not to think...i cant...Leave it in God's hands please...stop thinking...

don worry i ain't depress or anything..too xin fu to be depress at the moment...wat the future lies i do not noe...but i wil and i must hold on to you not now or for the yrs to come but forever...


~Mr Jen has spoken.

Sunday, April 10, 2005
` 10:54 PM
this week is the happiest week for me for a long long time...heh..cant believe it and din wan it to passed but time still goes on..so at least i have have happy memories...heh...v v v v happy..

Comms ball last night...quite fun to meet up with old pals..thoughwe haven seen each other for only 2 days...but i miss my OCS days alot alot...hmm..but more importantly..its the person that was with me for the night?...that special person..thank you pig...

a happy week..happy day..though slightly sick but still v happy..heh...thank you God for everything..lead me...


~Mr Jen has spoken.

Thursday, April 07, 2005
` 10:16 PM
went for SIA interview today...its a whole day thing..from 9 to 6....really tired out by all the test interview and stuff...really tired..but glad its over le...still got LTA panel interview tomolo..dunno...jus hope to get the scholarship..and fly...fly away.....

din report to new camp today coz of the interview....going there tomolo...hope everything will be fine....hmm...nowadays...jus feel glad that i m happy and ppl ard..though it was an ordinary days...1 person can jus make the difference....jus one...

smiling...


~Mr Jen has spoken.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005
` 9:52 PM
had CAAS second round interview today..wasn't v gd...but i think i did the best i can to my abilities..so...no regrets...though was abit out of place in the interview..but its over le..so..leave it to God...

final day at OCS...say the final goodbye to my bunk..my level...my toilet...my cubicle...my wingline...my second hojme..so fast..all came to an end..as we moved on to different place..i guess we can never forget the times we had...the fear we once held..the relationship we once built...brothers...we are always brothers...

songxin is flying off to india on fri forher medical attachment..jiayou cousin...though i missed part of the gathering at home...but feel the warmth...thank you everyone...

airport was a nice place to be with,,taxi was a nice ride to be home...everything is jus so sweet and nice...filled with happiness...


~Mr Jen has spoken.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005
` 9:54 PM
happy for the fact that i have move on to another phase of my life...a new chapter..a new beginning...happy that i have made know to everyone what is going on in my life...that they are happy for me too...happy for i have make the most important person in my life happy also...

but i am sinking........deeper and deeper into the valley of thoughts....i do not know how...why....or why it is happening...is it another phase?...another trial?...another paranoid self?...He isn't answering me..or rather i am not listening.....hang on...don sink anymore pls...


~Mr Jen has spoken.

Sunday, April 03, 2005
` 11:51 PM
this whole weekend i cant help but keep smiling..whenever i tot of the times tat happened,able to happen and going to happen, i jus feel so happy...haven been that happy for a long long time....

Yesterday was commissioning parade...started not v gd as the whole morning and afternoon was raining..but i prayed that God will lead and He did..the sun came out jus as we formed up at the warrior's hall..then it begins...the whole parade...i would say its parade but its quite good..not as bad as i tot it would be...then the moment of affixing the rank by parents, marching up the stairs..and the throwing of the cap..the moment i jus went wild..hugging friends and congragulating each other...10 months...its a long way to come...really v v happy...then walk my parents for dinner...mum,dad,bros,cousins w wife and uncle came..v happy to see them..jus feel so blessed by God..Thank you..when walking to dinner...bro said he is proud of me,mum say i have done the family proud..i jus feel a sense of belong to this family.again.......not that i don like my family but its jus that i have had this strong sense of belonging and attachment to the family for a long time...Thank you Lord for all the blessing..May You lead me to do my part to serve the nation..

Today at church everything went well...service was good..then went out the whole day after church...watch spanglish..eat..walk..do some dumb things..eat..walk..v simple..or boring should some ppl say but i jus feel v happy..because of the companion i m with?......jus feel so happy and a sense of xin fu-ness....i jus hope this day will nv end...everyday is like this...but i will also chersih all this sweet memories...

Thank you...without you...i would have all this happiness now....:)


~Mr Jen has spoken.

Saturday, April 02, 2005
` 12:33 AM
today is my enlistment day anniversary...i have been in serve for a year le..so fast...never though i could make it so far......commissioning tomolo le...jus cannot help it but think of all the times while in training i was thinking of this day..now its here...i dunno how to describe my feelings...elated?happy?stunned?amazed?...i dunno...jus feel that i have achieved something...but as always..by God's grace..

past few days of parade was really tiring but everyday of hardwork means closer to the actual day..today is the last day of rehearsal....jus feel abit sad about the spiltting of the platoon...like tat time when i was in platoon 1...life have to move on isn't it?

To eugene...eh how u find me?!...ha...miss section 4 man...ha..ask tim to organise some outing la..the free man..ha...

tomolo commissioning le...hope everything goes well...

jus feel so happy and xin fu..


~Mr Jen has spoken.

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